Not going to Prom

these are the emo countries that nobody hangs out with because the most popular country doesn't like them; oh sometimes Canada talks to them during Language Arts (that's just Canada for you)but still these countries spent a lot of Friday nights at home listening to Bright Eyes

Just show some mini-golf action

ESPN ranks the top 25 sports movies from 1979 to 2004 tonight - which seems like a totally pointless list until you factor in that this is how long sweet little ESPN has been with us - oh wait the list is still pointless - why not make the list even more random like : "Best sports movies of the last 25 years in which the gaffer has been named Barry" - that I would watch; that being said go here to vote for Hoosiers as the greatest movie ever over crappy overrated Caddyshack

If . . .

you're still quoting the movie "Caddyshack" please kill yourself - for us if not for you

My dog eats too much grass

okay it's 8:02 and the troops aren't all back yet - I'm starting to get worried - I mean we did transfer power didn't we? that should have ended the whole show

whew . . . at least that is over

man what was everybody so bent out of shape about? everything is over - I except the troops to all be home by 7:30 tonight

I would love to feel otherwise . . .

but I have a bad feeling about how these rooms are going to turn out

Things the NBA draft could learn from the Bravo Network

while watching both the NBA draft and "Queer Eye for a Straight Guy" I noticed how much the draft needed the color commentary of Ted; during the climatic scene of every Queer Eye it's always foodman Ted who makes the astute observation like "This is a really important night for Bill." or "That's not how you open a bottle of wine." - if ESPN added Ted and dropped Stu Scott who wouldn't be better off

First-Round of the NBA draft for Commie-weenies

the second round though rules!! - the picks are much faster and by this time a low-grade form of dementia has set in espically if you've eaten Chinese food and are watching the televised "action" in the basement of your mom's house (see me and 1997 NBA draft)

my 3 favorite hopeful second round picks

1. Chris Duhon

2. two

3. Then former Edgewater high standout Nigel "Big Firm not Big Jelly" Dixon who has lost 100 pounds and should hopefully have a much better NBA career than Preist Lauderdale or Darren Moringstar

Researching the NBA is fantastic

before everybody gets all excited about the NBA draft keep in mind what little impact most draftees will have on their teams - for example only 7 of the 58 players selected in the NBA draft 5 years ago are still playing productive minutes for the teams they ended up with at the end of the draft - and the previous statement uses a liberal defenition of "productive" as high-school bust J. Bender is included; by far the best pick is Utah getting A. Kirilenko at 24 and second round steal M. Ginoboli is the second best value pick; look for a complete grading by me of the 1999 NBA draft as soon as I finish reading my girlfriend's copy of "The New Yorker" but I must warn you some of those articles are really long and I need to reread most of the cartoons because sometimes they don't make sense

Good career move

Not ready for the NBA high schooler Shaun Livingston appears headed to the N.B.A.'s version of eternal hell: the L.A. Clippers - I'm sure he'll enjoy this much more than playing top caliber college basketball - the cinematic equal to playing for the Clippers is to watch this movie everyday 24 hours a day for the next 3 years

Drive-By Truckers Lyric of the Week

Well you're only fifteen, girl, you ain't got no secretary
And "for granted" is a mighty big word for a country girl like you
You know it's just your Daddy talking
Cause He knows that blood red carpet at the Salem Church of Christ
Ain't gonna ever see no wedding between me and you

Are you ready for some obscure college football?

the Sept. 4 game on this schedule is offically the "Obscure college football game of the week" sponsored by Jiffy Lube

1 out of 2 ain't bad

looks like there were no links between Iraq and Al Qaeda at least we found all those weapons of mass destruction - wait . . .what?

I'm loving it

another charming NBA season comes to an end and in unreleated news the league is peopled with thugs oh wait I meant releated news

Freedom's just another word for saying I'm a right-wing nutbag

First they co-opt the American Flag, then they claim AM Gold radio and now they've taken over the word "Freedom". The right is going to ruin everything one by one. Vegas has put the over/under on Bush uttering the f-word in his stump speech at 45. Hannity held a freedom concert over the weekend the highlight of which occured during the Sum 41 set when some Hell's Angels beat the hell out of Grover Norquist and his gang after they dropped some brown acid.

Machine Pitch Baseball is for commies

This is something I trust the President with. See I'm no raging bolshevik. I'm not an irrational Bush hater. I will freely admit that 43 runs a much better t-ball league than Clinton ever could. When I'm looking for foreign policy and economic decisions I'll go elsewhere. But when I need somebody to either a.) bale hay or b.) organize a game between the Longwood Fla. Brownies and the Onley Md. Cub Scouts well then W. is our man.

See you at the cross roads greatest TV character ever. See you at the crossroads.

If you've bought one of these then watch out because the cool guy police has put out an APB for your arrest.

Paul you can comment on this page!!

my dog sleeps sideways on her bed now (not the usual stomach on ground)is this normal? if not what can be done?

is buying advance tickets to SpiderMan 2 really needed?
but please note the above link allows you to buy Garfield Tickets which are very hard to get - 6 people were trampled to death at the San Dimas Regal Cinema trying to get in - but please note the Garfield Christmas Special rules much better than than other Comic Page Holiday Specials espically "It's a very Jumble Flag Day"

really great show

since the Internet is really boring here is a link about a subject you shouldn't care about but what are your other options at this point? IM'ing your former co-workers from 1999?
also shouldn't Jay Leno feel a little shame about the whole "Dancing Ito's" things - wait hahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahasdlkhgaslghdslgdfjkfd - oh man dancing ito's I was laughing so hard I spastically lost control of my typing

Top 5 all-time Leno moments

5. hiding in the janitor's closet while NBC exec's (same people who would late give us "Fear or Money Apprentice Joey")discussed his future
4. using Hugh Grant's arrest and subsequent Late Night apperance as a way to finally top Letterman
3. getting NBC flacks to periodically issue press releases about how great he is
2. breaking up with Chris Carraba at the Sadie Hawkins dance and thus being the inspiration for "A Mark A Mission A Scar"
1. introducing Chip Flagstone from comic strip "Hi & Lois" to reefer thus making the comic strip a lot less funny

Too Hot to Handle too Cold to Hold

I'll be DJ'ing tonight in my living room so come check it out ($25.00 cover)

my DJ play list:

Charles in Charge theme song (4 times in a row)
Fox Sports World (channel 128 on Brighthouse networks)
Spoken word reading of New York Times Op-Ed column
"Back to the Future" Quotes