George Packer you are my hero

the President is giving question and answer speeches about Iraq this week; my question would be "What the hell are we going to do about this fucking mess, Mr President?" a woman in North Carolina though simply stated "My hero's have always been cowboys." My next blog entry will be on what my puke tasted like after I read about that woman.

I apologize to my zero readers

the whole Brian Zoubek not going to Duke thing was an April Fool's prank!! Let the Zoubek era begin!! He's Duke's first 7-footer since the time of Tone-Loc.

What the hell does recover post mean?

I just wrote a 1295 word Lester Bangs-esque tribute on Buck Owens and then lost it to posterity - and the wind.

Here is a synopsis in haiku form:

Buck Owens rad
Hee-Haw sux
A dragonfly lands on my canoe

I'm at an 11 right now

I read today that Brian Zoubek is thinking about not going to Duke which is of course insane and caused me to have a minor freak-out. I think it might be time for me to scale it down a little bit. I should just let the laconic, pastoral, anti-military industrial complex rhythms of meaningless April baseball games take over. That and Lucero. To celebrate this post I'm showing a picture of a rural field. With Lucero standing in it.

do you ever wake up screaming in the night?

I do because this team didn't win the NCAA tournament title. They taught me how to love again and then ripped my heart was ripped out and kicked off the second story balcony of my crappy rental apartment.

Never again will we see a team so dominant over its opposition - they were the arc of the covenant and the other team was the Nazi's. If I had to invade the Death Star I would choose Duke's 2001 Championship team. But if I needed to crush the rebellion on the ice planet Hoth these were the guys.

By the way here is what I did during that fateful championship game loss:

1.) Paced around apartment complex for two hours.
2.) Screamed a primal rage, that even scared myself, when Trajon Langdon kept Duke in the game with a three.
3.) Collapsed on the floor and didn't move for 45 minutes after game ended.
4.) Called my father and brother - here is the conversation - me: "That sucked" - them "That sucked." - Click

I prefer to remember the glory from that season when I can - like Corey Maggette breaking a Carolina players ankles so bad on a crossover dunk that they had to put the guy to sleep like they do horses.

sending out a message with an R2 unit

my girlfriend, a Croatian/American co-worker, and a guy who writes on the internet have all pointed out the Duke was doomed this year due to a lack of athleticism - that's why the arrival of Gerald Henderson Jr. Will be much heralded by people who base their lives on the fortunes of teenagers playing a game (namely me)

Henderson basically needs to provide that John Wilkes Booth about to shoot Lincoln in the back of the head steeliness that has been missing lately - I think he's up to it

the republic is in the dark times

hope can be found in the north - Jon Scheyer is the type of person this country creates who convinces me we would never lose to the Nazi's - we would beat the Nazi's 10 out of 10 times beacuse no other country produces the deadly Luke Skywalker/Gil Thorp/Beowulf combo like we do

so Iraqi insurgents can foster civil wars all they want but it's sadly futile for we lead the world (with Argentina a close second) in comic-book esque two guards

this I can get behind

in honor of my Belorussian brothers the real (and illegal) Belarus National Flag - not illegal in Chicago mind you but still

I just heard some "hot" right-wing celebrity gossip

Oh no you didn't Grover Norquist

can't muster the will to make a joke here

If you aren't rooting for the Ukraine in the World Cup this summer well then you good sir are a commie. And not the good type of commie like Eugene Debs either.

look closely and you can see me beating a folk singer

Sorry I have been gone but I've been helping rig the Presidential election in Belarus for my Comrade and former co-Real World castmate Alex Lusashenko. The best part about the adventure: beating protesters with a truncheon!!

in the wind

word is that Britney wants to be on the next Newlyweds; sadly that spot has been taken by the newest "it" couple -Sean Hannity and Nell

time warp

in a preemptive strike against the "Madden Curse" EA sports has announced who will be on the cover of the next 300
Madden football games, a sampling:

2006: Scott Peterson
2010: O.J.
2078: the decomposed body of John Madden
2195: Pat Summerall still going strong at age 210
2910: time-travel is invented this year and in the ensuing uproar EA forgets to make a madden game
2911: Bon Jovi

okay one last time

1 + 1 = duh

What happened?

I don't think Ray Lewis will be too worried about the "Madden Curse". After all once you've reached a point in your life where you can be involved in the brutal murder of two people a video game box - not so big a deal.

it's already paying off!!

the results of my ancestral homeland Missouri's decision to ban gay marriage is already paying off - here is what has happened to the show me state since they wisely passed an amendment that denies total strangers happiness:

1. all "hip-hop" thugs have embraced the light, burned their records and joined the Josh Groban street team
2. the Lord up above has used his divine power to erase the ending to Super Bowl XXXVIII - your St. Louis Rams are now the official winners - and "placekicker" (read: sodomite) Adam Vinateri is burning in eternal hellfire
3. all books featuring original old school gay lovers Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn by Hannibal, Missouri native Mark "totally gay he might as well wear leather chaps" Twain have been happily burned!!

good call: Missouri

tree snakes = Not so bad

Mississippi has a vote on Gay Marriage coming up this fall - I wonder how that's going to go? And really Mississippi if you continue to support dumbass amendments like this while your standard of living languishes somewhere behind 1960's Albania - then you're out and Guam is in - the rest of America can't take it anymore;

p.s. Doe's eat place in Greenville is still the best eats in the world

Better even than Shannon Burke!!

Jim Rome brought his "A" game for almost the whole month of July

Even if John Daly does win

I don't care if I lived next door to the Buick Open I still wouldn't go

Communist Training Video

all the delegates are dancing right now to covers of old soul standards - look I'm no expert but this can't be what Thomas Jefferson wanted