Yahoo's covered bridge image selection leaves something to be desired

I leave you with this pastoral picture because if anything basketball is a return to 1820's America a more serene, rural time of simple pleasures - like replacing a wheel on your horse drawn carriage; that was simple and pleasurable unless a slave did it for you that's wrong!!

all other picks

watching the whole NBA draft was a lot easier when I didn't have a job or a girlfriend - man I certainly didn't have a girlfriend in 1999 - unless Darth Maul action figures count

Pick 49

some dude was taken by some wretched team

I was actually rewatching the J.J. Redick pick on my DVR while this was taking place

Currently picks are going on while ESPN is running commercials - you know your NBA career is fucked when you're drafted while a Zima ad is showing

Edgewater Football Rules AKA pick 34

Clippers take Paul Davis thus answering the question - how many tall white guys from Michigan can one NBA team have one their roster at once? Apparently 2

Dick Vitale just finished his annual rant about how stupid some players were in declaring for the NBA (Edgewater grad Darius Washington this means you) - and of course Vitale is 100% right about this but you want to know real pain how about saying to yourself: "I'm going to write how they took JFK's body to my hometown for his autopsy on the Bethesda Wikipedia page." But you keep saying: "I'll do it a little bit later, I'll do it a little bit later." And then one day someone has beaten you too the punch.

Pick 33

when players getting drafted are being compared to Matt Bullard then it's time for me to brush my teeth or projectile vomit one or the other really

Pick 30

oh sweet lord the first round is over and people are still hating on Portland - lots of good players have been drafted in the second round and so have tons and tons of crappy players -

I'm going to do a google search under "Second Round NBA players" and see what turns up - I bet it's total shit:

RESULTS

Pick 28

the biggest panic to hit this blog since the great dad cable outage call of 7:36 p.m. occurs as my girlfriend calls wanting to know which Queen of England died having sex with a horse and my dog freaks out because it starts raining

the Knicks pick next I just placed a call to Isaiah Thomas letting him know that my high school friend CoCo Brown is currently available - CoCo once made like 5 threes in a row - and would much rather play with the Knicks than continue his current job as day manager of the Chicken Out on Rockville Pike in Rockville Maryland -

COCO now is your time

Pick 26

the Lakers take local player Jordan Farmar - being an NBA player in Los Angeles can be difficult a lot of dangerous tempetations will float your way but I can unequvically tell Farmar one temptation he should pass on - eating half a bag of Honey Dijon potato chips followed by half a jug of Ben & Jerry's Karmel Sutra ice cream - resist Jordan resist the siren call!!

Pick 24.5

ESPN superdude Jay Bilas needs to stop talking about the "fight" players have - he's starting to freak me out and I'm cutting him a lot of slack because at Duke Basketball summer camp 15 years ago he gave a speech that so inspiried me that I didn't place a collect call to my mom in tears begging that she come pick me up - at least for an hour or so - then I totally made that call

Picks 22-23

the soon to be Brooklyn Nets took two UConn players with their back to back picks, one was Marcus Williams who plummeted to number 20 (a plummet made all the more awkward by his being in the green room) but the free fall of Marcus does show that stealing a shitload laptops from fellow coeds does have some minor consequences like instead of playing for Sacramento you play for New Jersey

on the other hand someone can steal my laptop anytime they want because I have renters insurance from USAA!! Yeah so who's the real winner here?

the other guy the Nets took from UConn has dreads

time

ESPN went to commercial so I'm going to check my myspace profile - I'll let you know how many friend requests I got today in a minute.......

0

Pick 20

watching all the draft up to now was so worth it to see the ESPN guys and local Knick fans totally lose it when the horrid, horrid Knicks take some totally random guy (Renaldo Balkman) with the 20th pick; it's moments like that that make the NBA draft the warm special place it is; only a special type of Knick fans shows up on a weeknight to watch the NBA draft in person and it's not the Upper West Side type

Preview

ESPN just showed one commerical during their last break - it was for a movie starring Luke Wilson, Uma Thurman and the nerdy guy from the American version of "The Office" and "Six Feet Under" - it was about dating a super-hero and it lasted 9 minutes - it hurt my brain

Pick 18

the Boulez take a guy from the Ukraine - where this guy stands on the October Revolution of 2004 isn't revealed by the ESPN talent

also a Yahoo image search reveals a lot of hits featuring "Ukraine women" react as you will

Pick 11

my draft blog was screwed up because my father called me in a panic because his hotel cable went out right before his hometown Orlando Magic were about to pick - it has long been rumored they might take J.J. Redick here or they might pass on him and be dead to me forever - amazingly they did take Redick thus increasing by 450% the chances of me buying an Orlando Magic hat online sometime this summer -

DIARY BLOG POST: I used to live in Orlando, I lived in my own house, that's right a lower middle class person can afford a house in America, and it had a yard, a washer/dryer, no neighbors living above or below me playing craptastic music, was within walking distance to a Starbucks and the grocery store where a scene from the movie Parenthood was filmed which is better than the grocery store I live near now - known as the Jewel-Osco where a violent snuff film was made featuring the produce delivery guy

Anyway this pick makes me feel whole again

Pick Five

The Hawks take Shelden Williams from Duke. Can't say anything bad about this and neither does my man Steven A.!! Can I buy tickets his show right now and can I attract women wearing a Shelden jersey

Pick Four

Portland take Tyrus Thomas who will be traded to Chicago according to the Perm - I was going to only be positive on this pick but I've been thinking all day that I really like college basketball and I had never heard about Thomas until he single handily destroyed Duke and ripped out my heart in the NCAA tournament - but if you take away that heart-ripping epsidoe does he go number 4? I doubt it.

I feel better about all my hating because Steven A. Smith is currently hating on Portland cuz.

When is Stuart Scott going to go away - it's been a decade please Stuart leave us - leave us!!

Pick Three

the legendary Charlotte Bobcats take Adam Morrison - the Bobcats continue their trend of taking players who will sell tickets rather than the best pick - last year they took 2/5ths of North Carolina's championship winning team and this year they take the white guy with long hair - next year they plan of selecting the cast of TV's Dawson's Creek circa 1997 and a time machine

P.S. I like Morrison but blogs are better when they make fun of people

Pick Two

the Bulls take LaMarcus Aldridge who according to Andy Katz they will trade to Portland for the number four pick - I trust Katz on this - I always trust men with perms

Pick One

Thankfully the NBA only gives teams 5 minutes between picks unlike the NFL which gives teams tons of time, I'm not sure how long but it's certainly longer than an episode of Real World/Road Rules Fresh Meat minus the commercials.

The Raptors take Italian Andrea Bargnani. Why? Because no one has ever seen him play for more than 5 minutes so his downside can't be over analyzed. Oh wait he did average 10 points in the Italian league last year. Great pick then great pick. But I won't be a cynic - why because "cynic" is just another word for "hater" that's why.

NBA Draft Sex Cruise

Even though I wrote about how worthless the NBA draft was in this blog two years ago (be the first person ever to click on the "Archives" link now!!) I am going to write a single entry about every pick until Duke legend J.J. Redick is selected - this could be awhile because there are a lot of "haters" out there and also because Redick recently was arrested for DUI and apparently has a back injury

Each Pick will merit its own entry because looking at one really long blog that I wrote will basically make me want to slit my wrists - also I will be posting a picture of a scenic covered bridge every fifth pick

Tom Cole is a Twat

Republicans in our U.S. Congress started a totally unnecessary debate yesterday on the war in Iraq which lasted 10 hours and did nothing to help anybody; I found the following quote by Oklahoma Rep. Tom Cole to be especially Jeffersonian:

Here is Cole "dissing" the Democrats:

"Their real challenge is they have no common, unified position on their side of the aisle, whether we are right or wrong, we on our side of the aisle do have a unified position."

I'm going to break that down:

So although the Republicans launched a war on false pretenses, a war that has sullied the image of America at home and abroad beyond all recognition, the has made this country less safe, that has derailed our war on terrorism, that has ruined decade old international alliances and that has of course caused the deaths of untold thousands - they at least are on agreement on what to do!!
And what mighty agreement have the Republicans reached that unifies them so boldly in this time of strife: well they agree to you know keep hanging around in Iraq for who knows how long while we ban gay marriage and repeal the estate tax back home!! Sounds great - can I vote now!!

oh Hi I just love it so much

I love Paducah, Kentucky so much - it's my favorite city that I've never been to - well Paducah and Prague; and not only does the city of Paducah have an amazing website but they unlike other rapidly dying small towns have come up with a way to fight the forces of evil - I present to you the Paducah "Artist Relocation Program" - if you're an artist and you move to Paducah and live in one of their old Victorian buildings you basically don't have to pay for anything ever again for the rest of your life - in unrelated news my girlfriend and I moved to Paducah yesterday

HISTORICAL PADUCAH NOTE: apparently General Grant (a noted Civil War man about town) was kinda a little bit of an anti-Semite; Grant issued orders restricting the movements of Jews during the civil war - and the people who put a stop to this madness - Paducah area merchants!!And oh yeah Lincoln

UNSOLVED MYSTERIES UPDATE: I found the Paducah Artist Link - enjoy zero blog readers enjoy

fun with Republicans

you know how people go "hahahahahahaha" to communicate how something is funny when they are emailing or text messaging each other? what's the weeping/crying equivalent of that?

just this week the political party that controls every instrument of power in this country (except that damn liberal media, currently getting itself blown up in Iraq)gave us these Jeffersonian treasures:

1. The Gay Marriage Amendment - it's an election year you know what time it is - time for the G.O.P. to roll out this monstrosity!! Even though it has no chance of passing, because thankfully just enough Senators don't feel comfortable turning our nation's most scared document into a hate screed, the Bush crowd rolls it out to appeal to the hillbilly voting base. Is this going to happen every two years? Because really I’m telling you I’ll be tired of it by 2014 at the latest – I mean it Karl

2. The Estate tax gets repealed - sounds like a great idea it's not like we're at war or anything!! The right has nicknamed this tax the "Death Tax" the left has recently started fighting back by calling it the "Paris Hilton Tax", I prefer the "If this get repealed your life gets more fucked and the terrorists win tax" but that's just me.

3. This latest magnum opus from Ann Coulter (no link provided). I am going to fight saying anything personal about Coulter (most of my comments having to do with her love of large black Muslim cock) and instead merely point out that if you believe Coulter means what she says and isn't putting on an act then you must also think that Hulk Hogan and Rowdy Roddy Piper actually really did hate each other in the 80’s.