Communist Training Video

all the delegates are dancing right now to covers of old soul standards - look I'm no expert but this can't be what Thomas Jefferson wanted

must write something II

opening acts for concerts and the democratic convention aren't really that different; to almost quote P.J. O'rourke: "Delegates at conventions are the type of people who have plush Garfields stuck to their car windows."

oh P.J. still the best P.J. ever - followed by P.J. from "For Love or Money" and NBA uberdude P.J. Brown

Kumar and Bush raise millions

I don't know what will be more asinine this or this

i wish i had never seen this

please sir don't wear a 1980's Baltimore Orioles hat ironically to a hipster party ever again; to some of us the 1980's Baltimore Orioles represent the feeling of being at a late September game as a 6 year old with you dad, your best friend and his dad and watching Eddie Murray hit a home run to beat the New York Yankees in the last game of the season, and even though maybe you don't know exactly what's going on the feeling of standing and cheering with a stadium of 45,000 and the most important people in your life fills you with a feeling of joy and abandon like no other; to approach a game at Memorial Stadium to watch the O's play as a child you knew that everything would be perfect in your life for as long as the game lasted (baseball has no clock); that's what that hat means to me - to you it means "hey guys look what I found at the thrift store - will someone please sleep with me"

call Fandango STAT

I am excited about seeing "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle and American Cinema goes to Hell"

things we learned from the republicans yesterday

1. Prisoners being tortured for no good reason in Abu Ghraibfds (using President Bush's spelling here) and thus ruining America's reputation for the next 6 generations = don't wallow

2. Sandy Berger accidentally taking two pieces of paper from meeting = wallow in it like the corpulent tennessee hogs that Denis Hastert and Bud Henninger are

part 1 of my stump speech

we need to think outside the box on fighting terror - here is my idea 

whenever a terror organization threatens to behead someone we offer to trade their captive for an american citizen whose head we would all like to see chopped off on pay-per-view - with all the pay-per-view money going to help VH1 find new programming

Person number 1 to trade: Rick Solomon

Can you also ban Ashlee Simpson?

but T.G.I. Friday's tastes so good

Must write something

I wonder what it looked like when the sharks ate the entire cast of ESPN's "Sportscenter" after it failed to make the jump.  Limbs everywhere I presume.

A dream denied like a cold winter wind

Having "I love the 90's" in 2004 is like opening your Christmas presents on December 12. It would have been so much better if we as a nation could of waited 8 more years then bits on the "Drew Carey Show" would have had real meaning. And really Hal Sparks is open for the rest of eternity I just checked with his agent. Thanks for ruining Christmas "Video Hits" 1.

On second though

I was going to watch the Home Run Derby last night on ESPN but then I remembered I didn't want my face to melt off

Free Boozer

this Boozer thing has been blown out of propo; the Cavs were obviously trying to lowball him in the longrun; the guy is 22 give him a break; NBA pundits fall all over themselves defending the Shaun Livingstons of the world who go back on their word but when an actual NBA player does it (which I don't buy) the whole pot-smoking, pimp calling, jive turkey league goes "Family Circus" on me; please

I love the 1690's

happy Battle of the Boyne day!! Good thing people don't get into religious wars anymore - oh wait scratch that last part there.

From the bad career move department . . .

E tu' Boozer?

A Worldwide Epidemic

After watching the 439 hour "Real World" (too tired to link it) Reunion on Tuesday I came down with a case of the "RSRS" a very serious disease that the "mainstream" media pays no attention to - not even Shepard Smith on Fox News. Shepard heed my call!

RSRS is Reality Show Regret Syndrome and it occurs in that sad moment after a reality season ends and you realize how much of your life was just wasted for no dramatic payoff whatsoever. Oh during the season you mind and heart are aflutter with Frankie going crazy and Brad eating turpentine and Cameron rehabilitating an injured squirrel but when it's all over and you realized how much time you wasted watching a show that had minimal plot, excitement, and decency you can only cry and suffer a case of RSRS which usually involves the dry heaves.

Going down like a Gondola

I'm sure this has nothing to do with the Dems dominating the news this week with Edwards and all. Just a coincidence. At least they're able to provide so many details to reassure us.

New report states that reading is down. No way!! I thought the American people were getting smarter!! Plus how do you expect us to read tonight when pure brillance is on. It features people like sitting around and stuff. I can't miss that - I'm not made of stone!!

Why America Rules!!

Other people know about R.B.I. Baseball

no better baseball video game has ever been created that uses real major league players ("Baseball Stars" also for the NES - remains the greatest thing invented since the Polio vaccine)

Getting even staring Ben Stiller

if anybody ever bothers you from the fish-wrap known as the Washington Times and this is likely since

1. the paper is very right-wing aka loves freedom a lot
2. seems to employ the most low-budget sports columnists around

just say: "We'll at least I'm not owned by Moonies. Oh yeah and your face is busted."

only say the last part if person's face actually is busted - otherwise use at you lesiure

Freedom Suckah's

Thank you state of Missouri and your liberal laws regarding fireworks. No wonder this country is so much better than Norway.

The Bart The

Lindsay Lohan is the most popular search on Yahoo! really if you're typing Lindsay Lohan into a Yahoo (or even Google!!) search your next search should be "ways to kill myself and not make a major mess"

Don't wear shirts with words on them to concerts

Here is the Old 97's set list for the first show on their summer tour spectacle (show was at Mississippi Nights in St. Louis)

1. Rollerskate Skinny
2. The Other Shoe
3. Who actually keeps set lists for the entire concert? The same people who take pictures of the band - thus blinding them by the flashbulb - and the same people who wear t-shirts of other bands, thus proving their diverse taste in music to total strangers!!
4. Some other songs were: Big Brown Eyes, Barrier Reef, Mama Tried, Question, Valentine, Four-Leaf Clover, Jagged, that Heaven song from the last album
5. I've stopped the set list but here are some other observations: I wish they had played some more songs off the new album - (they only played 3) because as much as I love the band (and I almost started crying during their first song) I've heard some of those songs 1,000 times, plus the new stuff sounded really good
6. but you can't play new stuff because people tune it out and bump into me on their way to get a Budweiser (this being St. Louis)
7. let's just say that the Old 97's and their fans are getting maybe a little older and this is actually a good thing - a perfect concert crowd has a 20% hipster total - anything more and the whole thing is ruined - just ask Chris Carrabba lord of the hipster